The shame rubs off on you

I was just catching up on my reading and came across Melissa Gira's blog. Melissa is a sex worker who is also a free-lance writer, activist, and some other things. I came upon a sentence in her entry about a vigil to help end violence against sex workers, which she organized. This is what she wrote:

There is too much risk already in this work, in moving in the world as those who carry so much of people’s sexual shame and fear and pain.

Wow. I don't intend to address the violence we in the sex/entertainment biz face, although I know it is a very real risk. What really floored me was the way she nailed how being in this business colors how I face the world around me.

In my work, I really do see a lot of the seedy side of people. Not seedy people, just the seedy, seamy side we all have. I am at peace with my darker side, for the most part, which makes me able to face that darkness in other people. But thing is, that darkness scares a lot of people. Their own dark side scares them, and other people's darkness scares them too.

We all fear the unknown, the unexamined side of ourselves. We fear the unknown in others, possible because it reflects our own hidden selves. Because we fear the abyss, it is difficult to face and examine it. Without examination, or hidden selves remain unknown and fearsome, and the cycle continues.

Here come the sex workers and the entertainers, who listen to, act out, interact with, and participate in the hidden aspects of so many people. We see their fears; we touch their shame. Whether this harms or even changes us, is not the point. The world outside these personal little dramas knows instinctively that we have had our hands in the dirty, murky parts of other minds, and fears we are contaminated. They believe that shame rubs off on us like coal dust, and if they come too near us, the dirt and dust of all those unexamined fantasies will somehow transfer to them. It will stain them and sully them. It will make them unclean.

Whether they have given it that much thought or not, that is what people mean when they say they don't want to "associate with" certain groups of other people. They know I carry part of the shame and fear and pain of hundreds of other people. I know they know it. I know they fear it.

I regard people outside the industry warily. To them, I am an unknown "other" because I make my living where angels fear to tread. I am unsure how they will handle the truth of my life, but I know what their gut reaction will be if I choose to tell them. I've seen that before: one split second of horror before they arrange their features and choose their reply.

I move in the world as one who carries other people's fear and pain and shame, and I carry a shield, too, to protect me from those who fear where I've been.

Ice Storm

WOW! We had a huge ice storm Thursday night. This morning, everything was just beautiful. All the trees look like they are made out of glass, and every where you look, it sparkles like diamonds. There are tiny little icicles all along all the power lines that look like fringe. Even my old dead tomato planes look like something special.

The neighbor's tree dropped a huge branch while I was outside. She came running out of the house in her pajamas to see if the branch had landed on the roof, that's how loud it sounded inside her house. The branch landed on her power line and broke it, so she came over to my house to call Com Ed. While she was walking back to her house, the same tree dropped another huge branch. BOOM! as my kid likes to say.

When I got home tonight, they still had no power. Com Ed has been working all night repairing damage. A big repair crew truck was cruising the street looking for the house (I guess) while I pulling into the driveway. They slowed down and looked at the house--the ONLY house in the neighborhood with not so much as a porch light, mind you--and then drove away. They saw me getting out of my car; you'd think they would ask me wher house number so-and-so was! But no, my neighbor will have to spend another day with no power. Nice.

While I do feel bad for her predicament, I had to snicker a little bit. That tree was shading my garden!

Simple pleasures, guilty pleasures--a belated Thanksgiving post

I have had, going around in my head, several things at the same time. Every time I indulge in one of my favorite guilty pleasures (and there are many), it seems like a great idea for a post. I thought I should write the standard cheesy "Stuff I'm Thankful For" post on Thanksgiving weekend, but between all the crazy running around and goings-on of the holiday weekend, I never managed it. Then only a day or two ago, I started thinking about all the basic simple pleasures in my life, which make up about 99% of the really, really good stuff. That is the stuff for which I am really thankful.

These are some of my favorite simple-or guilty-pleasures.

• Rock opera--the more cheesy, melodramatic, and over blown, the better
• the way my son makes me laugh, even when I am having a shitty day
• When my son gets in my bed because it is cold in his room, and when I go to bed, the sheets are all warmed up for me
• My cat, because she is so soft and so affectionate
• My other two cats, because they really think I am somebody special
• Starbucks fat-free, sugar-free caramel macciato
• Pepper-jack cheese tornadoes from Speedway (The absolute best in bad gas-station food)
• Hot gas-station cappuccino on a cold night, driving between shows
• Calling my husband from my cell phone and chatting all the way to work, which is the only time we have to talk to each other during the week.

And one thing I don't think I've had even once since my kid was born: Reading the news paper over coffee and omlettes at a local diner.

What I've been talking about this week

I have noticed that every week, I tend to have the same conversations over and over again. Whatever topic is current for me, gets mentioned to a lot of people. Then the following week, it's on to something new. For example, the week my son got his ant farm, I talked a lot about ants and ant farms. The week my cat's hair fell out in clumps, I talked a lot about kitty medical problems. And so on. These were the hot topics for this past week:

• I am going on a mini-vacation this week to Door County, Wisconsin. It will be me, Mr. O'Reilly, my mom, and my kiddo. We plan to go hiking, look at whatever fall leaves are left, see some historical stuff, and swim. Since my mother will be with us, I also plan to drink.
• My kiddo had his first hockey game last Friday. They do it the oddest way. My kid is in the Mites age group, which are the youngest. The next-youngest group, I think they call them Squirts, play at the same time. This is how they do it: The Mites start the game and play for a while. Then a buzzer sounds and the Mites all clear the ice and the Squirts come out and pick up the game exactly where the younger ones left off. They keep switching out that way for an hour. I think it's a good system, because the little ones don't have that much endurance, and they can rest and drink water, and get a little on-the-spot coaching, before they go back on the ice.
• I am going to take off Election Day and take my kiddo to the Barak Obama election party in Grant Park, if it is going to be open like they say it is. What a great part of history! Regardless of who wins (or who I would like to win) it would be a once-in-a-lifetime experience to be at something like that.
• Want to buy some caramel corn? My homeschool support group is having a fund raiser!

So, that's my week at a glance. Hope yours was a good one!

FAQ: What do you do all day?

People frequently ask me what I do when I am not at work. Most people assume I have another job. Others think I sleep until noon and then get up and watch soap operas. A few think I do coke all day or turn tricks on the side. But the truth is, I have a very normal and sort of wholesome personal life. I homeschool my son and spend lots of time with him. I enjoy cooking and baking and usually turn out several home-cooked items (meals, baked goods, etc) every day. I garden and do some volunteer work.

Today was a pretty typical day. It went like this:

7 a. m.: Kiddo wakes me up to announce that he is now going downstairs to watch TV.

8 a. m.: alarm rings and I ignore it.

8:20 am: Drag myself out of bed and pour some coffee

8:30-9:30: Read the news on the Internet, check e-mail, possibly do a little something for web site.

9:30-10 am: Breakfast, story time

10am-1 pm: School time. This is when we do the formal lessons--Math, Reading, Spelling, Grammar, Piano (we are learning this together), Art, Science. We feed the ants in the ant farm. We read a a lot. We try to get done with this part as fast as possible so we can go do fun things like nature walks, ice skating, visiting friends, etc. Today it was selling caramel corn for a fund raiser, and looking for leaves for his leaf collection. It could just as easily have been a trip to the library or our homeschool group.

1 p.m.: Lunch and break time. Start dinner.

2 p. m.: take a shower and get ready for work

3 p. m.: leave for work (earlier if I need to stop somewhere)

I grocery shop and go to Wal-Mart in between shows or after work. When I get home I put things away, load the dishwasher, clean the kitchen, and maybe do a little work on the computer. This is when I do all the stuff I want to keep away from my kiddo, like edinting pics for my Southern Charms site. Then I colapse into bed and my soul leaves my body until later in the morning, when my kid will again wake me to tell me he is going to go watch TV now.

FAQ: Where do you live?

I have no idea why people ask me so many questions about my house, except that I continue to live in it and drive over an hour each way to work, even with gas prices being what they are. I mean, I haven't been featured in House Beautiful or anything. But, for all of you who are curious, here is my House FAQ: (and yes, people really do ask me this stuff. Like Dave Barry says, "I am not making this up!"

Where do you live?

I live in a rehabbed turn-of-the-century school house way out in the country in east-central Illinois. My street address consists of a bunch of numbers and directions. The nearest town is about 10 miles away. I can walk to Indiana.

Why the hell do you live there?

I live there because I like it. I like it because:

• It is quiet and peaceful.
• It is too far from any town to attract criminals.
• I can see zillions of stars at night.
• I have wildlife in my yard--frogs, bats, deer, squirrels, possums, moles, voles, groundhogs, and varieties of birds and butterflies I never knew existed.
• I have a bigger house for less money.
• My property taxes are about 1/4 of what they were in Cook County, for a smaller house on a smaller lot.
• I love the history of the house. I have met people who went to school here 50 years ago, when it was still a one-room school house.
• I can see the horizon from my driveway.
• I love driving to work through farm fields full of colorful plants, and seeing the land stretch away from me to the horizon. In some places, the scenery is so beautiful it takes my breath away.
• The air is so fresh and clean.
• I can go outside naked at night to hang up the towels from my shower.
• I have a front porch that you can sit out on in the summer.
• I feel like this house and the area where I live suit me better than any place else I have ever lived.

Don't you mind the drive?

Yes, I mind the drive very much. It's an easy drive, all country roads and interstate driving. But it is looooooong! An hour to 90 minutes each direction. I like driving to work, because I can see things. I also conduct a lot of boring business on my cell phone, and call my mom and fiends. I hate the drive home, when I aim already tired and just want the day to be over.

I entertain myself on the drive home by listening to books on tape, calling in posts to my Snapvine, and listening to the radio. It's still a long boring ride home. But, I figure, I like my house, and I like my job, and the drive is really a small part of my day. I can't win them all.

What is your house like?

It is a former one-room school house, built in 1900, which was rehabbed about 10 years ago into a 5-bedroom farm house. It lets in a lot of sunshine, even in the upstairs bedrooms. We look out over a farm field from both the front and the back of the house. I decorate for comfort and practicality, so the house is cozy and low-maintenance. No all-white living rooms for me!

How much land do you have?

Just less than an acre. I have a big garden, flower beds, a play area for my kiddo, and a large open space, big enough to fly a kite. There are benches and picnic areas under the trees, and a pool. We spend almost all day outside in the summer. Next summer's project will be a pond.


So there you have it. I have no idea why people want to know about my house, but I get asked about it a lot. I think I was asked about it two or 3 times just tonight.

I was digging around in my old documents folders to see what I could find, and I came up with this. Obviously it is a text conversation I had with someone. I think it is about 5 or 6 years old. I am somewhat narcissistic in that I will read over any thing I have written, no mater how banal. I really act like my grocery lists are works of great literature! Which brings me to the point, of course I had to read this. And you know what? I liked it. I have no idea who this person is, which is the beauty of cyber sex. But the thought of being fucked this way, by this anonymous stranger, is making me wet and annoyed even now. His writing in this selection is much better than mine, I will freely admit. And damn! is is good.

I will be reading this over a few times. How about you?

ME: Brrrr! It is cold in the house. Let’s cuddle up in front of the fireplace.

HIM: Works for me!

HIM: Bring your sexy little self on over here...

ME: I am wearing a fuzzy chenille sweater and velvet leggings, red nail polish on my toes.

HIM: Nice! I was just gonna ask ya what you were wearing!!

HIM: LOVE women in sweaters...

HIM: Just have me gym shorts on...nothing underneath

ME: This one has a high neck, but lots of little holes on the chest and shoulders, what they call "open work"

ME: OOH! Easy access!;;)

HIM: Oooohhh...like the "open" idea! Accentuates your breasts VERY nicely! Oh yeah - no since making you work TOO much! You've had a hard day!

HIM: Putting an arm around you...pulling you close to me...your breasts crushed against my chest...you can feel the bulge in my gym shorts already growing...as I kiss you deeply...

HIM: Uh oh - did I lose you already?

ME: NO, I’m here. Went to put on some music and got sidetracked

HIM: Just checking...happened to me three times yesterday with three different women!

HIM: Anyway, where was I?

ME: And I thought I was the only one!

HIM: NOPE!

ME: Well, I can't blame you. It's nice to feel in demand!

HIM: Well, I'm certainly in need...

ME: I think about 3 or 4 cyber-lovers equals one real one, what do you think?

HIM: I don't know...ya sure 3 or 4 is enough? ;)

ME: I mean regulars, not one-message stands!

HIM: Yes - exactly!

ME: I suppose it would depend on the amount of time on your hands. As you can tell, I have a hell of a time keeping one "date"

HIM: lol Just heightens the anticipation!

ME: And the frustration! Now, where were we?

HIM: I believe I was pulling you close to me...exploring your mouth withmy tongue...

ME: Mmm. nice. You are right about having a rough day. Today I think I would like to relax and let you do what you will

HIM: I can handle that!

ME: I can feel your hands on my back, pulling me up to you

HIM: The bulge in my shorts growing....

ME: and opening my mouth to accept your tongue

HIM: Love your kisses, babe!

HIM: As I kiss you, my hand on your back slides down...lower...

ME: mmmm

HIM: and comes to rest at the base if your ass

ME: Oh, I like that.

ME: Just please hold me close, tight against you.

HIM: I squeeze just a bit...spreading your cheeks...as I pull you even closer...

HIM: My hardening cock pressing against your crotch

ME: I was tired, but feeling you all hard against me like that is starting to wake me up a little

HIM: Good... My mouth moves from yours...to your cheek...

HIM: And I nibble on your ear

ME: I am pressing my whole body against yours, chest to toe

ME: OOOOHHHH! Shivers down my back!

HIM: My hand moves from your ass...to your hip...and up over your belly

ME: Your hands are so warm!

ME: I love the way you touch me

HIM: Sliding up...up...

HIM: Until I cup one of your breasts in my palm

HIM: Squeezing...messaging...

ME: My nipples stood up immediately!

HIM: Anything under that sweater, babe? Besides you...I can feel that JUST fine!

ME: I am wearing my favorite black bra with the incredibly soft cups. I can feel your fingerprints through it, and you can feel my nipples springing up under your touch.

HIM: Yes, I can! VERY nice...

ME: Heavy breathing on my end . . .

HIM: I stop nibbling on your ear and pull back just enough so we can get rid of that sweater. Nice appetizer, but kinda in the way now! ;)

ME: Now you will have to keep me warm!

HIM: I thank we can manage! With the fire and heat we are about to create...

HIM: I pull you back to me...kissing your neck at the base of your cheek...

ME: :)

HIM: Messaging your breast...pleasing and teasing your nipple through your bra...

HIM: My mouth begins to move slowly down your neck...kissing...sucking...moving lower...

ME: mmm

HIM: Mouth reaches your shoulder blade...moves along it towards your shoulder...

HIM: Sliding the bra strap slowly off your shoulder and down your arm...

ME: That little corner where my neck meets my shoulder, that is really a hot spot for me

HIM: Working my lips and tongue back along your shoulder blade...lingering at the base of your neck...kissing and sucking gently...

ME: Shivers!

HIM: My hand pulling your cup away from your breast...exposing it...

HIM: Hand moving over your exposed breast...my palm against your stiff nipple...

ME: ooooooo

HIM: Mouth moving to the base of your neck...that little spot where your shoulder blades meet...

ME: mm

HIM: I take your nipple between my thumb and forefinger...and squeeze

ME: I am watching you, watching your hands on my breasts, your mouth moving across my skin

ME: The sight of my nipple between your fingers is almost as good as the feeling

HIM: Rolling your nipple between my fingers...mouth moving lower on your chest...lower...

ME: ooooooooo\

HIM: Kissing right down between the middle fo your breasts...my cheeks brushing against the both of them...still fondling one nipple with my fingers

ME: The anticipation is killing me

HIM: I kiss and suck one breast just below the nipple I have been teasing...

HIM: mouth moving slowly upwards...

ME: whimpering

HIM: I place my mouth directly over your nipple...taking in as much of your breast in my mouth as I can...and begin to suck...

HIM: Teasing your nipple with my tongue as I do so

ME: oohhhhhhhhhhh

HIM: I suck hard for a moment...then release you breast with a "pop"

ME: OH!

HIM: As I take your breast back in my mouth, my hand moves to lower your other bra strap...

HIM: I suck and release your breast again...another "pop"...may hand pulling away the cup that covers your other breast...

HIM: As my mouth closes over your breast again, I tease your other nipple with my thumb and forefinger...squeezing it...rolling it...

ME: I'm listening

HIM: Sorry...as I tease your nipple with my fingers, I pull my mouth off the other and begin flicking your nipple with my tongue...

ME: yum!

HIM: Breathing hot and heavy on it as I tease it with my tongue...

ME: I am also breathing heavy

ME: Watching you

ME: watching your mouth and hands on my breasts

HIM: My mouth moves off your nipple...kissing my way to your other breast...

HIM: As my lips and tongue approach your other nipple, my hand slides down...over your belly...

ME: mmm

HIM: I kiss all around you nipple....my hand sliding lower...lower...

ME: I am smiling at you, my eyes wide with anticipation

ME: Oh, I know where that hand is going

ME: I am so excited, I can't wait

HIM: My hand slides past your crotch and down your thigh as I take your breast into my mouth...

ME: mmm mmmm oooo mmmm

HIM: I suck on your breast...rolling your nipple wildly with my tongue...as my hand begins to come back up the inside of your thigh...

HIM: I release your breast with a "pop"...begin flicking your nipple with my tongue...hand sliding higher...higher...

ME: you are teasing me

HIM: Finally, my hand reaches it destination...your are SO hot even through your leggings!

ME: YEs, with all this teasing, how could I not be?

HIM: Well, that's kinda the idea! ;)

HIM: I run my hand through your crotch...pressing down...as I nibble a bit on your nipple

ME: That feels so good

HIM: Your hips rise to meet my hand...

HIM: I look to see the ecstasy on your face as my mouth moves from your breast...moving lower...

ME: Ohhhh, yes, please go there

ME: I am so wet now, just from your touch through the leggings

HIM: I turn you all the way on your back...spreading your legs open...my chest against your crotch...my mouth kissing your belly...

HIM: moving lower...over your navel...

ME: I'm whimpering again.

HIM: My mouth reaches the waist of your leggings...

HIM: So I kneel...place a hand on either hip...and slowly slide those leggings off...

ME: Victoria’s secret plum-colored satin g-string

HIM: OH, NICE! How did you know those were my FAVORITE?

ME: Ummm---it was on the top of the drawer this morning... Must have been fate!

HIM: S'pose so!

HIM: I look into your eyes...smile a wicked smile...as I begin kissing the inside of your right knee...

ME: Wicked. I love the knees

HIM: Lips and tongue pleasing and teasing...

ME: I am starting to squirm in anticipation!

HIM: Start moving slowly up your thigh...kissing...sucking...

HIM: Moving higher...higher...

ME: uh huh

HIM: My mouth is just beside your pussy...my cheek brushing against the outside of your pussy lips...as I kiss and suck your thigh

ME: you are killing me

HIM: You can feel my hot breath on your wet pussy...

HIM: I place the tip of my tongue lightly on the inside of one of your lips...

HIM: And slide it slowly upwards...

HIM: Pass briefly over your swollen clit...

HIM: and down the other side...

HIM: until my tongue finds your hot love hole...

HIM: I roll my tongue around the outside of it...teasing...

HIM: before sticking it in...

HIM: I move my tongue in and out...in and out...

ME: oh yeah

HIM: Enjoying the taste of you...

HIM: pleasing you is making me Sooooo hard...

HIM: I slide my tongue back up and roll it around your clit...

HIM: my hands resting now on the inside of your knees...

HIM: As I pick up the pace with my tongue, my hands begin sliding down each thigh...

HIM: Tongue moving faster...faster...

HIM: Hands sliding up your thighs...

ME: I am about to come like this

HIM: My hands spread your legs wide...

HIM: I use the tip of my tongue to flick the tip of your clit rapidly...my middle finger now teasing the outside of your hole...

HIM: Alternating my tongue flicking up and down...side to side...

HIM: My middle finger sliding slowly inside you...

HIM: I let in about half way...and pull it out again...

HIM: Tongue dancing on your clit...wanting you to cum...I slide my finger back inside you...

HIM: This time, letting go as far as it can...

HIM: I hold my finger there for just a moment...before sliding it back out...

ME: Ohhhhhh! Yess! Yes yes yes yes yes

ME: I star trf coming the moment youput your finger in me

ME: That is one of my favorite things! how did you know

ME: Catching my breath

HIM: Tongue dancing up and down...back and forth...more excited as you cum...sliding my finger rapidly back inside you...giving your pussy something to clamp on to...

HIM: My finger begins a rhythm of in and out...in and out...as my tongue continues working...

HIM: Finger moving faster...faster...

ME: again

ME: came again

HIM: LOVE it when you do that!!

ME: coming, or coming more than one time?

HIM: YES!

ME: :)

HIM: My goal is to make you cum as many times as you can possibly stand it!

ME: That would be many. My endurance is pretty good!

HIM: Nice!

HIM: Shall we try 2 fingers or move onto something else?

ME: I think something else. My fingers are starting to look like prunes!

HIM: lol Okay

ME: I could just lie on my back with my feet in the air.

ME: Told you I am in a lazy mood today!

HIM: I pull away...kneel so I can slide my shorts off...revealing my HARD cock...

ME: Oh, I bet it’s hard, too!

HIM: I move closer...put your legs up on my shoulders...

HIM: wrapping my hands around your thighs...

ME: Mmm! You can pull me really close that way!

HIM: and slowly move my hips forward as I pull you towards me...

HIM: my hard cock sliding DEEEP inside you...

ME: Ohhh! I can't wait to have you inside me

HIM: I slide all the way in...

ME: unnh!

HIM: and leave it there a moment...enjoying the feel of you all around me...so tight from having cum already...your muscles constricting around me...maoning deeply from the sensation...

ME: I am trying to pull you further in

ME: My hands on your ass, my muscles tugging you

HIM: mmmmm....

HIM: I slide back out...almost entirely...leaving just the head in...

ME: I squeeze down, searching for you

HIM: Then I thrust forward hard...pulling you towards me at the same time...

ME: oH!

HIM: Back out slow...then hard thrust again...

ME: RRR! I love it!

HIM: We establish a rhythm...thrusting hard forward...pulling you to me with each thrust of my hips...

HIM: Harder...faster...

ME: You keep going deeper and deeper,

ME: seems like you drive deeper into me with each thrust

HIM: Closing my eyes and leaning my head back as my cock pounds your pussy again and again

HIM: You tightening around me each time

ME: ANd trying to pull you deeper than you already are

HIM: My balls slapping against your ass...our groin areas slamming together...over and over...

HIM: I try to make each thrust even deeper than the previous one

HIM: At a furious pace now...fucking you HARD

ME: OH, it feels so good!

ME: Harder

ME: HARDER!!

ME: I want you so deep inside me

HIM: Each hard thrust, pulling you on to me...feeling you all around me...

ME: I want to feel the explosion,

ME: grabbing your ass,

ME: clutching you to me

ME: pushing my hot tight pussy up to meet you

HIM: If it's the explosion you want, might I suggest doggy-style? I can go EVEN deeper that way, too!

ME: woof!

HIM: Rolling you over on to your belly...

ME: Sticking ay ass up in the air

HIM: Taking in the view for just a brief moment...and WHAT an amazing view it is!

ME: my pussy wet and hot and swollen with desire

HIM: I place a hand on either hip...

ME: Oh, hurry up and fuck me!

HIM: And slam my cock back into you...

ME: YEAH!

HIM: Soooo deeeep

ME: Now I am screaming

HIM: Establishing a hard, fast pace right from the start...pulling your ass back towards me each time I enter you

ME: slam, scream, slam, scream, slam, scream

HIM: mmmmm....cock is SOOOO hard!

HIM: Loving it!

ME: You are getting such a great angle,

ME: this could make me come again!

HIM: Groaning with each thrust...slamming your ass for all I'm worth...wanting you to cum all over my cock

ME: AAAHHHHHH!

ME: YEs, coming

HIM: Me tooooooo

ME: coming wet and hot all around you

HIM: yessssssss

ME: oh! Aftershocks are starting

HIM: cock pulsating with each new explosion

HIM: body quivering

ME: my whole body quivers with each new wave

HIM: shooting deeeep inside you!

ME: squeezing your cock a little more

HIM: mmmmmm

ME: ooooooooh!

ME: your coming gets me going all over again

HIM: continuing to slam as I cum

HIM: even harder

HIM: than before

ME: push ib hard, and hold me on your cock

ME: let me feel that hot rush way up inside me

HIM: mmmmmm...very nice!

HIM: Unloading every last bit into you

ME: Whoo! now I am exhausted and breathless.

ME: I am just going to collapse now

HIM: Ditto! Haven't cum like that in ages!

ME: I really want to hear you come

HIM: I know you do. Actually, I spend so much time cybering, I've learned to do it silently!

HIM: I can be verbal though

HIM: When the occasion calls for it

HIM: I wanna hear you, too

ME: I can do that, too. had to tone down considerably when I bought my condo.

HIM: just realized how that sounded. Don't cyber THAT much...just a lot more than I get the real thing!

ME: i was afraid the homeowners association would have something to say

HIM: lol

HIM: Sure you can handle a 2 hour long-distance phone call?

ME: yes. Talk-america has unlimited ld

HIM: Okay...cool! We'll definitely have to go there. I'll quit being such a wimp...I promise

ME: just let me know when

HIM: I most certainly will!

ME: do you really fuck like you write about it?

HIM: Where do you think I get the details from?

ME: hell if I know! Maybe you just read a lot!

HIM: lol

HIM: Well, I actually do get the "real deal" from time to time and I write from personal experience

HIM: It's not fiction! ;)

FAQ: Stuff about my husband

Somebody told me a couple of weeks ago that they went to my site and all they found was a bunch of stuff about my husband. I don't get that, because I almost never mention him, except in passing. I actually take pains not to say too much about Mr. O'Reilly, for fear of turning people off. Since I am trying to write fairly honestly about my life, I do have to mention the man with whom I share it. So here it is. Let's just have out with it and talk about the man for a while.

Who is your husband? What is he like?

His name is Ted, and he has been my best friend for more than 20 years. He is a paramedic by trade. He is into history and model trains and and watching sports on TV. He is an excellent father. He would want me to tell you that he is the all-time sex god of the universe, but how would I know? I've been around, but not that far around! I can say that our sex life is damn good, and he does things to me that nobody else can.

What does he think of your job?

He thinks it's cool. He takes my pictures and shows them around to his friends. He brags about it. Hey--lots of guys spend an enormous amount of energy trying to get a stripper to go home with them once. He gets a stripper to come home to him every night. Occasionally he hangs out at work with me.

I have been dancing almost as long as I have known him, so he knows it's just a part of me. He has seen me at other jobs where I was so unhappy I would come home and cry or drink or both, and he knows I am happier dancing than doing anything else in the world. He loves me and wants to see me happy.

Lots of men tell me they would be jealous if their wife danced. I say, Why? I don't go home with the customers. looking cute and flirting with people is all part of the job, and I would be looking cute and flirting all the time, even if I wasn't getting paid for it. It's what I do! Anyway, there is no jealousy going on here. We trust each other. We have a good thing going and don't want to mess it up. (BTW, he has a side job driving a stripper to bachelor parties. You don't hear me crying about that, do you? It really is a matter of trust. )

How long have you been married? Been a couple?

We sort of drifted into being a couple, so we set an "official" first date on New Years Eve, December 31, 1999. It seemed like a good time to start something new. We got married in October, 2002.

How did you meet?

We worked at Wendy's together when we were in high school. We were each going with somebody else at the time, but soon became good friends.

Are you happy?

Yes, very much so. We have a good marriage, and it gets stronger the more adversity we face.

Do you cheat? Do you have an open marriage or are you swingers?

Nope. I would not cheat because I abhor lying and liars. We do not at this time include anyone else in our sex life, but who knows? Maybe someday we might.


That's it for now, folks. Those are the questions I get asked all the time. Hope that has satisfies some peoples curiosity.

The feeling of being horny

Tonight I was planning a photo shoot and thinking, (in a purely academic way, mind you!) about being naked and alone in front of a camera and one of the smartest men I know. Always a pleasant thought, believe me. When I got to the part about cutting the crotch out of a pair of panty hose and slipping in a dildo, I was seized with the strong desire to go find a dildo or better yet a man, and do exactly that. But its 2 a.m. here on the outskirts of Mayberry, and a dildo seems like a lonelier prospect than I want to deal with just now. Besides, I promised myself I would write something.

Trouble is, the more I try to NOT think about being horny, the more I can't think about anything else. Arousal is such a delicious feeling. It's so hard to describe. It starts with a sexual image or thought in my mind, and then the blood rushes into my nipples and labia. It tingles a bit, like when the blood comes back into your arm when it has been asleep. It makes me want to squirm around in my chair and rub my thighs against each other. The more I wiggle and squirm, which happens even more if I try not to, the stronger the feeling grows. I get super-sensitive, so that every time I move, my panties create a little surge of pleasure by rubbing against my lips. I have this overwhelming feeling of I want something in there. I HAVE GOT TO PUT SOMETHING INSIDE ME NOW! It's hard not to touch myself, so I reach down and stroke gently between my legs. There is a feeling of pleasant fullness in my crotch and breasts, as if they are water balloons which have been filled with warm water. The slightest touch of my fingers makes me gasp and suck in my breath. My breathing is ragged now, and I want to rub myself harder. More like, I must rub harder and faster. My thighs, stomach, and butt cheeks start to tense and clench; I can feel the hard knob of my clit through my panties. This feels good, in a way that is so hard to explain. This is the part I really wanted to describe, but I can't. I can't even think of a good metaphor to explain it. Sometimes there is a pleasant-painful quality to it, like when you probe a half-heeled bruise, and sometimes there is a sense of urgency, as if I must rush forward to climax as fast as possible. Mostly, its so good that I want to make it last, like when you get to that perfect point of being perfectly buzzed and you want so much to maintain that, but you know it is only going to last so long before you lose it all toghether or plunge headlong into full-out drunkenness. My choices are clear: hold out too long, or dive off the cliff into a headlong climax. What would you do?

I'll tell you next time how it went. ;-)

Location, Location, Location

Where you have sex is almost as important as who you are doing it with. Honestly. Just think of the difference between doing it in your own cozy bed, and in an airplane bathroom. One is more relaxed, more comfortable, adaptable to a variety of positions and techniques. The other is crowded, cramped, uncomfortable, and yet strangely exciting. See?

The point of this is, I got to discussing locations with some friends. Not to brag, but I think I had the longest list. See if you can top this:

1. Backseats of various cars, even after I was WAY out of high school
2. Backseat of my Honda on Lower Wacker Drive
3. Backseat of my Hyundai in somebody's driveway, and we got caught! (I was 31 or so at the time, like I said, way out of high school!) To make this story better, there was no place to get out of the car and get dressed, so we drove all the way home naked, then raced from the car to the front door!
   
4. Heavy petting on the observation deck of the Sears Tower
5. In the employee corridor at the shopping mall
6. Movie theaters (Hasn't everyone?)
7. On the floor of a common room in an Army barracks, when my guy at the time and I were supposed to be in some kind of trouble for something
8. In a dugout on a baseball field
9. On a skeet-shooting range
   
10. On top of a piano in a sound-proof music room (with a musician, which makes it that much cooler!)
11. At the bottom on an outdoor stairwell, where people could walk by and see from above
12. On a beach at Indiana Dunes
13. On a beach in Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin
14. Just off the river walk in Augusta Georgia
    
15. In a field of grape vines at Bad Durkheim, Germany
16. On the hood of a car in a dark, scary woods near Baden Baden, Germany
    
17. On a blanket next to the Des Plaines river
18. In a hospital bed, with a patient in traction
    
19. On my boss' chair when I worked at Radio Shack, on company time (not with the boss, however)
    
20. On my front porch on a summer night
21. On somebody else's front porch, the kind that is just a little concrete slab, and anybody walking by could have seen
22. Hot tubs and Jacuzzis all over the place
23. Flat out in my back yard on a blanket
24. The balcony at a hotel, where family members were staying in the adjoining rooms
25. Swimming pool at a hotel
26. With another couple close enough to us that I could hear him taking off her blouse (actually I thought this was hotter than having a threesome)

There are probably more than that, but I can't think of any right now. Let me sleep on that one.

What do strippers fantasize about?

Sometimes people ask me what fantasies I have or what my favorite fantasies are. To be honest, I change out my fantasies quite frequently. For example, for a while I was into male-heavy threesomes and orgies on tropical beaches. Lately (like, this week) I have been thinking about more couple-oriented scenarios.

I don't think my fantasies through from beginning to end like a story. That explains why, even though I think a lot, I have not written many fantasy stories. Rather, I get an idea, and then the images flash into my head like a slide show. This is what has been on my mind this week:

• I meet my man in a truck stop, we pretend like we have never seen each other before, and he bangs me senseless in the pay shower.
  
• We go to a place where people will be surprised but not offended, and I get on my knees in front of him to perform a public blow-job with a messy facial ending.
  
• He throws me up against a wall, pushes my skirt up around my hips, shoves my thong to one side, and rams into me, kissing and biting me so hard my lips will be bruised for a week.
  
• I take him to work and give him a lap-dance the likes of which I have never given to anyone before. One or possibly both of us will need a change of clothes at the end. Sometimes this fantasy involves another dancer and a girly make-out session, as well.
  
• He waits in the dark for me to get home, throws me on the floor, and has his way with me, however much I holler and carry on.
  
• We meet in a tacky bar and go to an even tackier motel room. He pays me before we begin.
• He comes home to find me playing with my toys in the shower. He watches for a while, sliding his pants down to free himself. When he can't just stand by and watch any more, he joins me in the shower.
• As a variation on this theme, we are in a dom/sub relationship (we aren't, in reality) and he is going to punish me for using my toys without permission. I am going to get spanked and, since I like sticking things up there so much, I will now have to submit to larger and larger (or stranger) things.
  
• We start fooling around in the kitchen and wind up finger painting each other with chocolate syrup.
• I come home to find him looking at porn on the computer or watching a movie. Without saying a word, I begin to imitate and act out whatever I see on the screen, recreating in living flesh whatever images he had been getting off on.
  
• I spend the day in a loose skirt and no underwear, giving him easy access whenever and wherever he wants.
  

OK, that's enough for now. I need to go take a shower. And it has only a little to do with getting clean . . . .

My Original FAQ

This is my original FAQ. New questions will be answered here in my Blog.

Feel free to e-mail me and ask me anything. Doesn't everybody like to talk about themselves? ;)

About being a stripper:

Do you like your job? Why?

I love my job. It is fun and interesting, physically challenging and very sexual. I love talking to people and establishing that intimacy that makes a dance really good. Being on stage is fun, too.

Do you do private shows and bachelor parties?

Why yes, I do. Please e-mail me for more information.

What is your fondest memory of being a stripper?

Once when I was very young, maybe 19 or so, I did a bachelor party almost up on the Wisconsin border. At the end, I would always pose with the bachelor, usually sitting on his lap. So when I sat down on this guy’s lap, he whispered in my ear, “Thank you. I will never for get you.” I thought that was so sweet. I went by the stage name Vixen in those days so if you are out there, sweetie, I will never forget you, either.

What are you going to tell your son about your job?

I hate that question, because it implies that I ought to be ashamed of what I do, and I’m not. I mean, do mail carries and accountants and even mainstream models agonize about how to tell their kids about their jobs? What I will tell him, if is ever an issue, is that I entertain people. It’s as honest a job as anything else. The only shame in it would be to be dishonest or in some way harm someone else.


You started out your career doing bar lingerie shows. What was it like the first time you walked in front of strangers in your underwear?

Strange. Scary. I felt very exposed and vulnerable. The bar was on Ashland Avenue on the South side (of Chicago) The guys were all a bunch of South-side Irishmen, all big, loud, blue-collar guys with big hands and big mouths. They could have been very rough with me, and I never would have gone back. But I think they saw how terrified I was, and they were very nice to me. By the time I did my 3rd round, I felt right at home.


About sex:

What do you think is the best thing about sex?

The best thing is that it can be different every single time. Even if you have the same partner, you can play make believe or use toys or just shake things up a little. Each encounter even has its own mood—tender, rough, romantic, frenzied. The possibilities are just infinite.

When do you have your best fantasies?

This will sound funny, but I fantasize most when I am driving. I just got a new van, and there is something about the seat or the motor vibrations or something—I always seem to be slightly aroused whenever I am driving. Because driving is one of those no-brain things anyway, you just go on auto-pilot so much, half my brain really has time to make up some wild stuff!

Didn't you used to have a web page called "Sex is Fun"? Why did you choose that name?

Yes, that's me! I chose it because sex is fun. It’s playtime for grown-ups. Some of the best times I have ever had have been in the sack. I think people can take sex way too seriously, but what is it, really? Unless you are trying to have a baby, the only real purpose of it if for adults to play together in a physical way.

About me and my life in general:

Describe yourself in one word.

Multifaceted. Or maybe Complex. I am a dancer, a wife, a mother, an entertainer, a slut, a member of my church, and a weekend athlete. It's hard to think of one single word that works for me.

Is there a special talent you wish you had?

Speed reading. I love so much to read, and I am curious abut everything. I always have a big backlog of stuff I want to read, and it is all over my house and my car. I take magazines to read on my dinner break, a book in my tote-bag when I do errands (I might have to stand in a line somewhere!), even a newspaper to skim over at stop lights! I wish I could ride the train to work and read on the train, but it's not practical. So I do books on tape instead. It's the next best thing.

Name 3 things you can't live without.

Coffee, without a doubt. I’m not even safe to drive before my second cup. My computer, internet connection, and e-mail. I run my whole life on my computer. And all the people I love.

What is your biggest weakness?

I have several! Fashion magazines, definitely. I will buy them just for the headlines on the cover, who knows when I ever get time to read them all! Starbuck's Fat-free, sugar-free caramel machiato. It's my substitute for actual food. Cookies, especially homemade ones. Any beauty product that promises to solve all your problems over night, no matter how ridiculous the claim is. And—need I say it?—sex!

Who inspires you?

My son, who loves with abandon, forgives completely, and shows me the wonder in the everyday world. I want to be a mom he will always be proud of.
Candace Bergan, Goldie Hawn, and Reba McEntire, for being down to earth and remaining optimistic no matter what, and for aging so beautifully.
Joseph Campbell and Victor Hugo, for their amazing insights into timeless literature and the human mind.
Jesus Christ, St. Patrick, Copernicus, Galileo Galilei, Martin Luther, Ignaz Semmelweis, and thousands of other individuals who believed so strongly in their causes that they would risk everything for them.
T.Y., Derek Scholl, and my husband, who taught me more about love than any woman has a right to know.

What would we find on your Night Stand?

Dust! Actually, I have a huge book case headboard. It has a cabinet where I keep all my special (non-working) lingerie and sex toys. I also keep all kinds of books there, so I can read at night before I go to sleep.

What would you do if you won the lottery?

Hmmmm…. The possibilities! First, I would pay off my son’s college fund and then pay off our house. I would buy some of the acreage behind me, so I could have a pond big enough to swim in and room for horses. And then I would have to buy the horses, of course! I would go on a huge shopping spree on Oak Street where the rich people shop, and then around Clark & Belmont, where the hip people shop. I would buy back my old condo on the north side of Chicago, and then take an incredible vacation. I would donate a huge pile of money to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Of course I would invest a lot of it. After that I would have to think about it.

If you could live in any other time period, what would it be?

I would be a courtesan in 16th century Italy. That was a time when adult entertainers were treated with a lot of respect, even awe. They were part of the court and hung out with the royalty. Courtesans were educated, accomplished, and independent. Not to mention, they had beautiful clothes, and Italy is a gorgeous place with a terrific climate.


What do you do in your free time?

Have lots of sex, what else? ;)
No, really, I have a lot of interests.
I love to read. I am working on all the “Classics.” I also love good erotica (I don't consider much of it really good).
I sing for my own fun and I rock at karaoke.
I volunteer in several community organizations.
I enjoy traveling, and I enjoy dressing up and going to living history events, like renaissance fairs and civil war reenactments.
I am an awesome cook, too. I cook all vegetarian food, but my guests never miss the meat in the things I make.
I like to entertain.
I love museums, art galleries, theater, and concerts of many types.
I am very active. I ice skate, dance, hike, and have a stripper pole in my home. I have a home gym and as of February 2008, I am just getting into working out with weights.
I also really like doing family stuff, and stuff with my son. It seems like we are always on the run.

You have a lot of bruises in some of the pictures. What on earth happened?

Thanks for your concern, but nobody is beating me. I left my first husband the first time he shoved me. I absolutely will not tolerate abuse. I slipped on my front porch right before the photo shoot, and it was too late to reschedule. But, I am very active. I ice skate, pole dance, do a bunch of other outdoor stuff, so I am always getting banged up somehow.

Are you ticklish?

Yes, but I only tell my members where ;)

Do you smoke?

Not anymore. I used to smoke, but I quit 2 years ago last Octobe! r.

About SC life:

Do you meet with your members?

I love meeting people. I will always be happy to allow my members to take me out for a meal or coffee, or a shopping spree.

Will you do custom work? How much does it cost?

I will definitely consider custom work, as long as it does not violate my one over-riding principle: I will not do anything that I would not want plastered on a billboard near my house. As for cost, that depends on what and how long the piece is, how much it will cost to produce (for props or settings or travel or whatever), and that indefinable pain-in-the-ass factor. If you want some custom work, please e-mail me with your ideas.

Will you do a picture set wearing ___________ ?

I will be very happy to do sets in almost any outfit you care to provide for me. As a special thanks for providing the outfit, I will send you a special set of 4 glossy 8 X 10 pictures of me wearing (or not wearing) the outfit.

Will you do pictures with other SC members?

I will certainly consider it. I will agree to work with other members on a case-by-case basis.

Will you be selling panties or other merchandise?

Yes, absolutely. If you are looking for panties, please email me to let me know what color, cut, etc. you are looking for. As for other merchandise, watch for a link on the main page soon.

How can I ask you more questions?

E-mail me at c_c_oreilly at yahoo dot com.